moved to a new house.

I am at our new house by the time I’m writing this post. We moved here, at Tanjung Sari, Medan for almost a month already. I kind of like this house very much. It’s a two-story house with 4 rooms, enough for each of us to get one each. Quite far from the Medan city centre but very close to ring road, an area booming with economic activities where new restaurants and marts are mushrooming. and it's also the cheapest house we've ever rented before!

The first time when we arrived here (in Indonesia), we stayed in rented rooms or called kost by the locals. But staying there was not really easy since we have to respect the owner’s regulations (e.g. no noise allowed), difficult to cook and do social activities (haha), and also had to be home before certain time.

Then later we moved to a house very close to our faculty. It was quite expensive but we didn’t mind considering the location and money was not really a big issue then. =p

A year later, we decided to move again to a cheaper house and we did. It was more like a shop house, four stories and more far compare to the previous house. But wasn’t too far since I was still able to cycle to the campus everyday. but the area was really dusty. I mean REALLY dusty. We couldn’t cope with it and decided to move again after staying there for almost a year. Oh, and another thing, the water bill for two months was Rp2000000 equal to RM800! C-R-A-Z-Y

So here we are… at a new house. The place is really calm, and clean too. Lots of shops nearby, accessible with a better road quality (compare to other area), easier to go to Adam Malik Hospital and very close to mcD =p

Hopefully this house will be just okay… (will not gonna stay home much anyway once the internship started)

But so far…. Lots of mosquitoes!!

what is my new year resolution? i don't know.

Happy new year all! It is already 5th of January 2010 but somehow I am still in the state of surprised. I don’t know why but the number 2010 is just so... okay, again I don’t know how to say it. May be it is just so future, if you know what I mean. And it means ten years to go to year 2020. I think u know the Malaysia’s vision of 2020.

But it’s not future, it’s present. It is a gift I have already received. It is now. The weird part is that, this is the first time in my life since I could start already making new year resolutions when I was young, that I actually do not have any resolution. And that is weird.

I was doing some cleaning and packing in my room just now when I saw and read a few of my diaries or simply a piece of paper where I wrote down my new year resolutions for the previous new years. Normally I would have quite a number of resolutions list or azam tahun baru in Malay. Sometimes it could be more than ten. I can say now that… actually most of them are never achieved.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in resolutions. I think it is a good thing. It allows us to have a focus and also give us the chance to change to someone better as if we’re born as new person for each time at the beginning of new year.

And I just don’t know I don’t have it for this year. Is it because I don’t really have a purpose in life anymore? I hope not. Deep in my heart I know everyone must have known what they want and what they wish. But it will be more specific if we put in on paper.

Feeling guilty of not having any resolution, I tried to make one few days ago. I tried to wear my watch in my left arm instead of my right arm, which I normally always do. I hoped it was like some kind of symbol of change. I always would love to see that I wear my watch on my left arm, like what most people do. And I think it looks better if it’s in my left arm. And I hoped it also mean that I’m ready for a change to something better in my life.

So I did it. I wore it in my left arm. But I don’t know why. I couldn’t. I tried it for quite a number of times. But I just couldn’t. It worried me. What is this means? What about all those metaphors that I was talking about. Was it trying to send me a message or something?

I gave up. I can’t wear the watch in the left arm. It’s not me. I know I don’t like it. But it’s okay to be me. I must try to like myself. And convince myself that it is no biggie, man. Somehow it means that, we have to learn to love ourselves no matter what. We can try to change our self but at some point we have to be accepting. And learn to love our self and stop trying too hard to be some one else.

being alone again, but that's alright.

It’s semester break. All my closest friends are already went back home right now, to their hometown in Malaysia. Except me. I stay here. I do not go back because… I don’t think I have enough money to spend on the flight ticket and to pay for the expensive immigration thingy. Plus the holiday is not that long. Only for two weeks. So I decided not to go back.

Afiq was the last one to go back to Malaysia. I started to be alone after he went back last week. All my other friends have already gone back earlier. Me and Afiq we always have certain issue which sometimes put us in a… not-so-cool situation. We used to be very close before those ‘issues’ came up. I’m not going to babble about this in here. But I’m glad now since things since have been worked out a bit now. Or, maybe I’m just happy because with him, it’s always easier to go simply anywhere compare to other people who always have reasons to not to-do or not to-go. We went the beach one day before he gone back. I love beach. And the view. And the breeze. Everything.

Now, here I am. Alone in my house. Like the previous times when I was alone during the holiday, the early part was the hardest. But as times goes… I’ll get used to it. And later enjoyed it. Enjoyed being alone and that I can spend all the time just by myself and for my self.

Somehow, this is the first time that I am completely alone as there are no more cats around. They were such great companion and friends. I remember.

But it is okay. Now, unlike those times, I have my computer with me. It is not that quiet anymore. And I can watch some movies to keep me sane. Or write some nonsense like I do now without having to go to the internet café.

it has been a year.

On December 9th last year, my beloved girlfriend, Izzati turned 23 years old. It reminded me that it has been already a year since the day when I started to… approach her. If you’re my follower sure u must have read my post about it. Which I wrote about how I had a certain particular feeling towards this girl who I thought was medically not suitable with me haha.

It has been a year. Glad she’s my girlfriend now. Everything went well so far. Even though sometimes I think I’m expecting too much from her. But what is the most important thing is that, I found out that she’s not as perfect as I think. She’s better than that! I love her so much. I’m quite sure she is someone I want to live with till the end of my life. Or forever.

disappoinment.

I will be entering a full clinical course next year. I’m so worried. I know that I’m not fully ready for that. There are so many things that I must know but I don’t. Thinking about this really worries me. I just hope that everything will goes well for me.

Looking back at those 3 years that I have spent here on theory, I am disappointed with my performance. I don’t know why but I just couldn’t be as good as I hope. I think that wasn’t my very best. I can do better than that. But it’s too late now. To mourn or complaining too much about things that I can’t change.

Anyway, I’m glad that my research is done and I passed. Even though I faced a lot of problems and hindrances. Even though I’ve been attacked with lots of question on the seminar day, my research, ‘pregnancy and its risk of being diagnosed in later clinical and histopathologic stage in breast cancer patients in H. Adam Malik hospital Medan: a cross sectional study, is accepted.

I passed all the exams too. But, to be honest I feel sad with my performance as the results are just enough to passed me… all I got are C C C or C+. Sigh.

Dear reader, if there’s any, please pray for me. So that everything will be just fine during the hospital training soon.

about last raya

It was the best aidilfitri I’ve ever had. May be because hadn’t really celebrating it for quite a while. It was so much fun.

I was lucky. Some of my friends, Syaza, Naim and Jalal were also on the boat on the way to Penang. The journey took more than six hours. From Penang, I took a bus to go to Taiping where my parents will fetch me up to take me home.

It was early in the morning when I left my house in Medan which later I took a bus from Medan to Belawan port before I got in the boat. I arrived home in Lenggong, in the state of Perak at midnight.

I helped my father with his kuih/cake selling at the Ramadan bazaar. I really missed doing that for a very long time. And I did some raya shopping, played some firecrackers, and helped my mother made some raya delicacies.

My mother’s birthday on 1^st of Syawal.

Then it came the raya day. It was really a busy day. Started with some children coming in groups then later families of relative coming endlessly till night. I was really exhausted but it was w

orth the fun.

Visited our late grandparents after eid prayer.

With my father.

With my mother.

On second day, I went out with friends all day long. We were visiting all of our friends’ houses. Until night, it was more than ten houses we visited. Glad to see old friends and how much they’ve changed. Most of them are already working.

With friends.

Third day, I hanged out with my family. We visited our relatives’ houses.

The holiday was short. I went back to Indonesia after I renewed my passport. Also by boat travelling across the straits of melaka. This time I was alone. Unfortunately it took more than ten hours on the sea. I’m quite sure; it will be my last time to be on the ferry again.

raya holiday!

I will be going back to Malaysia for raya holiday in ten days or on 17^th of august to be exact.

To be honest I did not really had a plan for this. Even though ever since I started studying here in Indonesia, never have I went back home for raya. But this time it will be different. After celebrated raya (wasn’t really celebrating in here haha) for three times in the row, finally this year, I’m heading for my hometown.

I’ve told my mother that I’m coming back home this raya, but it seems like she wasn’t really excited about it. Haha.

Actually I’m kind of ‘have to’ go back since I have been told by the immigration department here to renew my passport as soon as I can.

My passport will expires on august 2011 but since I’m renewing my KITTAS or temporary residence card for another two year, the expiry date is not in the ‘save’ range haha. So I need to renew my passport.

And the nearest holiday is this coming raya holiday. Yeay. Finally I’m going back for raya! Yeay.

I am so glad. I missed celebrating raya in my hometown so much. I missed all those raya delicacies, raya songs, and exciting TV programs. Even though I don’t really enjoy visiting relatives much haha.

I’ll be going back by ferry (or more like a speed boat I think) from Belawan to Penang which will takes 5-6 hours. And I don’t mind. It’s the cheapest. Hahaha.

Si Tua

Setelah aku selesai menoleh ke kanan dan ke kiri memberi salam, mata aku tertumpu pada seorang tua yang sedang kusyuk beribadat. Aku tersedar akan kehadiran dia di dalam masjid ini sejak beberapa malam sebelum ini. Entah kenapa tanpa sebab yang pasti, hati aku luluh ketika terlihat kelibat si tua ini yang terbongkok berdiri di hadapan Tuhannya.

Rukuk dan berdirinya si hamba Allah ini sudah tiada banyak bezanya lagi. Hatiku sedih bercampur terharu. Dengan keadaannya yang serba lemah dan tua, si tua ini tetap istiqamah dalam ibadatnya kepada Yang Satu.

Setiap kali sesudah selesai bacaan doa selepas solat witir, si tua ini akan bersusah-payah, sedaya-upaya berusaha untuk bangun dan bersalam dengan jemaah yang lain. Kadang, oleh kerana pergerakannya yang sangat lambat, dia hanya mampu berjabat tangan dengan dua atau tiga orang sahaja.

Mulai semalam aku cuba untuk duduk dekat dengannya, entah kenapa, aku tak pasti.

Pernah suatu ketika, selepas pulang dari masjid, aku menukar pakaian dan bersiap-siap untuk keluar rumah. Dalam perjalananku keluar aku terlihat susuk tubuh yang sangat aku kenal, si tua itu, masih dalam perjalanannya pulang dari masjid, bergerak perlahan setapak demi setapak dengan wajah yang hampir menyembah tanah.

Aduh, lagi hatiku remuk. Betapa kudrat si dia yang satu ini tak pernah menjadi halangan untuk ke rumah Allah.

Malam pertama Ramadhan aku pernah berfikir, adakah aku mahu ke masjid ataupun tidak. Di hati berasa malas tak semena-mena. Cukuplah solatku cuma seorang-seorang di bilik tidur, berkata aku dibenakku.

Apakah jadahnya? Aku yang muda ni malas. Padahal si tua dgn keadaannya yang tak mengizinkan, tekad ke sana.

Nasibku baik. Status facebookku dibalas dengan nasihat daripada teman-teman:

Mohd Uda
I am thinking whether want to go to the mosque for tarawih or not. it's 1st of Ramadan tonight.

21 August at 18:33 via Twitter ·
comments:

don think...juz go

g je uda..

must go!!!!!!

isk2...nak jmpa awek xyah pikir nak p ke xnak...tp nak p solat tarawih pun nak kena pikir byk mcm ni...xkan la nak tggu umur 50 bru xyah pikir kot 2pun kalu sempat...beribadatlah kamu seperti itu adalah ibadat terakhir kamu...

gi r...pemalas...cube r jd mcm aku

hehe insaf plak dgr murshikidal bg ceramah. alar ingat nak wat kat rumah jer 1st night. kat masjid ramai org sgt la awal2 ni.. =p

bagos la jemaah ramai..ape la uda ni...

btol2.g jemaah tau ude.klau blh g jd imam trus.lg bgus..

baiklah kawan2 ku. trima kasih atas nasihat. td memang cam 75% malas nak gi, skrg da tggl 10%. jom gi masjid! :)

Alhamdulillah~ =p

no driving licence

I am as old as 23 years old but yet I’m still cannot drive a car. I don’t know how to drive, never really got the chance to learn how to drive, and off course I don’t have a driving licence.

If you ask me one thing in my life that I’m not so happy about is this.

And sometimes I feel like I am not a normal person. Or simply feel like I am not even a human if we look at the definition of what human is by what they or majority of them are doing.

Thinking why I am like this, I always blaming all those hindrances such as money, availability of a car to learn to drive or time constrains.

But how come everybody else could do it except me. Why.

That’s the reason why I said that I am no human. And I am 23 years old for God sake.

new topic for my research?

Now I’m busy working on the new research proposal. Sigh!

Few days ago I went to the hospital to proceed with my intended research titled pregnancy and the risk of breast cancer in women in one of the hospital in Medan. Unfortunately when I was just an inch from getting the medical records needed, the consultant suggested that I change my research. This means I have to change everything that I’ve done or simply do it all over again.

He said that the outcome would not going to be like what I expected, that pregnancy lowers the risk of breast cancer, because there are a lot of others factor affected the possibility getting the lethal disease. My interest is only to study the relationship of those two things. But since the medical records available are not that many, and to exclude other factors that might have caused the disease is impossible, I agreed to think about his suggestion and later I met my tutor and a CRP lecture. They allowed me to change my topic.

I am confused. Thinking about whether I should stick with my previous title or go ahead with a new one.

Still thinking about this. I already began doing the literature review for the new proposal.

The consultant is really knowledgeable, and I won’t let go the chance of working with him. But, the main problem is time constraint!! With the classes, practicals and exams and also the clinical semester starting next year and I am so not ready for it. Argh!!